How can being selfish and putting focus on your needs help you to be unselfish? It’s simple.
When you focus on your needs and look after your own health and happiness, you have more capacity to help others do the same.
By saying no to the things which aren’t important and then doing those remaining things efficiently, you’ll create time. You’ll also find that you are no longer struggling with the whirr of your own head or feeling overwhelmed. You’ll be less in your own head and more aware of those around you.
Team working
I’ve learnt over many years as a manager and team member that a well-functioning team supports all of its members. It can only ever progress at the pace of the slowest person. When we are outward looking and see all work as team work to be done rather than focusing only on our individual work we can achieve so much more. Goal-aligned teams have long been recognised as more effective. But, in my experience, even with a shared goal, not supporting each other can derail progress.
Time-blocking to focus on your needs
My experience tells me I achieve more by blocking out time to get my most important individual tasks done first thing. I can then be much more flexible through any day to meet the needs of my team. This focus includes not answering emails or messages during this time unless I’ve identified that as a ‘task’. I only do the things which I personally need to do and I do not apologise for this. There’s a particular spot in the office with the environment which enables my best work. Even though this is away from my team, I sit there to get my important tasks completed. Once I’m done, I can move to sit with my team. I can jump on calls. I can pick up urgent tasks which will make their lives easier.
Doing this means I have time, I don’t feel overwhelmed and I don’t let myself become so busy I can’t be helpful. Busyness is an inherently selfish thing, even if it feels like it’s being helpful. By taking on too much or prioritising other people’s needs, busyness makes you less productive. It often make you resentful and even delays delivery of the things that really matter. This has ongoing impacts on others who are dependent on your work.
The perils of people-pleasing
That old saying ‘if you want something done, give it to someone busy’ is true. But rather than being a good idea, it is exacerbating the problem. They are likely to be so busy prioritising your needs (and almost certainly the needs of a lot of other people) that they aren’t doing the things which are most important to their own progress. It’s all about order. If you are unselfish first, you are going to struggle to be selfish later. You’re effectively prioritising people-pleasing over progress. If you’re selfish first, you’ll free up your focus and capacity to be more unselfish in the long-run.
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