I read this article from Karen Trefzger and it got me wondering, if we stopped complaining so much would we do more?
We complain more than we think we do
I spent a few days tracking how often I complained and I was shocked at how often I was complaining about things. I also started to notice how often people complained around me as well. Try it. Through a working day note down every time you complain out loud about something, whether it’s the weather, the meeting overrunning, the café queue being long, your partner not listening to you – everything big or small.
At the end of the day look back at your list of complaints – is it longer than you thought? For all those complaints you voiced, there’s almost certainly another list at least as long of the complaints you made in your own head.
We complain to build solidarity
We all build relationships with others all the time and there’s very little that brings people together more than complaining about things. The problem is this starts to build a negative cycle. We feed off each other and what would have been forgotten if there was no one to complain with becomes disproportionately big. You might find it’s regularly the same group of people you get drawn into complaining with. If this is the basis of the relationship, really think about if that relationship is serving you.
We complain instead of doing
This quote really jumped out at me:
When we constantly complain, we start to feel powerless.
Karen Trefzger
It’s another way we stop ourselves taking ownership. It can feel much safer complaining than taking action to change what it is we are complaining about. What could we achieve if we looked at whether we can actually take control? Even when it’s bad weather, we can choose to let it stop us doing something we enjoy, or we can take control, change our plans (or our clothing!) and enjoy ourselves anyway. When we think about what is within our control we can often make the thing we’re complaining about less of an issue. We have control over much more than we think we do. Mainly because we have control over how we react to things and people.
Much like busyness can stop us being productive, so can effectively handing over the power to change things by getting into a habit of complaining.
Complaining is a habit
Because, complaining IS a habit, and it’s not a great one. But, like any habit, we have the power to change it. You’ve seen how often you complain in a day – I challenge you to stop.
Every time you are about to complain, stop yourself. If you do find yourself complaining. Note it and start again.
What do you notice when you stop complaining? Do you feel more positive? More in control? Do you find your days less stressful? How do you feel when you hear others complaining around you?
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